Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
