so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
