I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
