tell your sister to shave her snatch
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
