Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
