We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
