spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
