Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
