Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
