I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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