i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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