I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
