my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
