this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
