What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
