Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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