I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
