Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
