but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
