you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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