he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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