sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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