D3 body, D1 cock
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
40s are totally the cure
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
