I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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