dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
