The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
