my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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