i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
