I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
