Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
