im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
