I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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