i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
