I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
