i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
