How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
