I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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