i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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