Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
