She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
