Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
