WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
