Betty ford says i'm here all night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If I die, sorry about rent.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
