Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
