just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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