I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
