dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
