So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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