tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
