Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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