Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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